The Looking Glass

Sometimes I wish I could see me.

I’m a strong friend. I give out advice as if I’ve been given a second chance at life.

When it comes to me showing up for me… I’m indecisive, at war with myself, scared, and overwhelmed by my crippling anxiety. Very few understand me, it scares me. It scares me because I know I’m the only person who can decipher myself.

It scares me because I know my full potential. I know how overwhelming my love can be. I know the dark place my mind can travel to. There’s a certain level of trust and vulnerability that is needed with myself that I give others in a heartbeat and forget how to serve the growing version of myself. I gaslighted myself so much that I questioned how valid I was.

Think about a window. you can either see right through the window or if you focus closely enough you’ll see your reflection. I can never focus on me.

It’s a real challenge to meet myself with the same adoration I so quickly greet others with. I struggle saying no. I say yes because I know someone needs what I have to offer.

Recently said mindset has cost me. It cost me my peace of mind. I began falling short of meeting my own needs. Feeling incredibly unworthy. I saw myself slipping away and I wanted to be saved. Too busy saving everything else but me.

I guess I’m writing this to get through to someone how I wish someone would have gotten through to me. Someone who struggles with choosing themselves, someone who hasn’t exactly trusted the process, someone who needs to be affirmed that they’re worthy.

Focus on yourself. Say no. Water your flowers. Spoil yourself with love. Pouring from an empty cup will leave you down bad and thirsty. Emulate those qualities of the person you want to become. You owe it to yourself. If you commit to anything, commit to you. New things click for me everyday. I assure we everyone is trying to figure it out.

With Love,

sunshine