Love Me Not

Intentionally myself... but wait, am I?

Do you really love you? Do you show up for yourself in seasons of solitude? I’ve always believed being intentional with our thoughts goes a long way. We are the only one who lives in our own head space so be cautious what seeds are planted. Too many times I let my thoughts turn into thorns every chance I gave them. Reading these words as I write is ironic. If you asked if I really loved me, love me not.

Love and light. Two words I’ve transformed into actions, finding a happy medium of applying both. I have always wanted to be a vessel of light. My senior year of high school was committed to growth. I practiced intimacy with myself. I practiced celibacy. I gave myself love fluently in my love language. Somewhere along the journey I met myself again. I learned an immense amount about myself. I’d find my routines changing, positive patterns developing, while on the path to creating my best self. I was untouchable to say the least.

Fast forward to Summer 2020 and I'd be lying if I said I was for me. The layers I intently added to myself; lightheartedness, emotional intelligence, and a kind heart...felt weak. Maybe another word for them could be sensitive but I hated that about myself. I hated that I would feel so intensely. I would spend hours thinking about ways to suppress any emotions. I did not feel seen, by anyone.

I'm learning the beauty of not being understood. Everything about one does not have to be deciphered to be considered a masterpiece. Feeling things at a large capacity is great. Feeling unsure and uncertain about yourself is normal. There is so much evolution at your fingertips just keep working on it. You're good, I'm good. We got this.